Rats on a Fence

True, it might not be Snakes on a Plane, but as a homeowner, rats on a fence comes mighty close. (Wikipedia photo of a brown rat.)

We moved into our house last fall and within a few months I saw my neighbor putting little boxes of poison on the fence between our properties. He pointed to the house next to mine as the culprit responsible for "harboring this problem." That night, sure enough, I saw a rat on my fence and totally freaked out. For the next month or two, myself and my neighbors — minus the "bad" neighbor — came to resemble Bill Murray and his gopher problem in Caddyshack. We didn’t wear army fatigues, but we did declare war on rats.

Since the all-out assault, we have not seen a rat, but that doesn’t mean they’ve been wiped out, as I was reminded in a recent article "The Rat Patrol" by the city’s alternative newspaper, the Seattle Weekly. The article begins like this:

"If you find a rat in your toilet, try to remain calm, counsels Don Pace. He is one of two workers who kill rats in Seattle’s sewers, and he says the first thing you should do if a rat shows up in your toilet is shut the lid. "They can jump out," he says. Next, with the lid closed, take a bottle of dishwashing soap and squirt it into the bowl by using the opening between the seat and the rim of the toilet. The dishwashing soap makes the bowl and the pipe below it slippery, making it hard for the rat to get any traction. Then flush the toilet. Usually the rat goes down and doesn’t come back."

Rat in my toilet? Believe me, if I found a rat in my toilet, the last thing I would do is run for dishwashing liquid.

Not only does my neighborhood seem to have rats, but there are an incredible number of raccoons roaming around. My young little cat, who weighs about 8 pounds soaking wet, came face-to-face with a big ‘ol raccoon in our backyard last week. Luckily, most of the cat’s 8 pounds went to brain matter since it had enough sense not to tangle with that guy, but it looks like my raccoon issue is not an uncommon one.

So what’s the moral of this story? I’ve come to learn that fears of homeownership are not limited to making the mortgage payment, broken pipes or leaky roofs, but also four-legged critters that enjoy city living.