Unwanted Real Estate: The Bachelor Pad

Here at the Zillow Blog we have had a great time discussing the many different facets of real estate. Our home towns, the joys of downsizing your home, open office spaces, and how to build ponds. However, up to this point, we have completely ignored the dwelling space of the coveted 18-to-34 year-old male demographic. The place that makes shopping for furniture at an abandoned construction lot acceptable. The little chunk of heaven that makes it okay for food and unwashed laundry to be close to one another. That comfort zone where the release date of the next Madden game is far more important than your mother’s birthday. I am, of course, speaking of the bachelor pad. (Author’s note: I am focusing on the embarrassingly filthy bachelor pad and not the “hang with Hef and James Caan and say things like ‘ring a ding ding baby’ while drinking a martini” pad).

bach·e·lor pad noun - like forms - stink hole; no laundry zone; compost heap

1) Dark cave inhabited by unmarried men, rarely seen by members of the female sex.

2) Place to keep heavily used athletic gear.
3) Large structure designed to protect one’s XBox.

The bachelor pad is an oft-maligned piece of real estate, but there is a good chance that half of the population will live in such a combat zone at some point in their life. For educational purposes, this singles map (shown below) shows where one can find the greater preponderance of bachelor pads. It also illustrates that I live on the wrong coast… (Shouldn’t Alaska just be colored in entirely blue?)

Because of the sheer number of b-pads (accepted nickname, like A-Rod or K-Rove) they are not to be feared or reviled, unless you work for Pottery Barn. It is instead a place that should be embraced and loved for what it is; a place out of the public eye where young men can engage in their filthy habits. Like playing video games without wearing pants and eating Vienna sausages straight from the tin.

While spotting a genuine bachelor pad is generally as easy as picking out the truck driver in a supermodel lineup, there are a few dead giveaways for those not in the know:

1) Very comfortable, very stained furniture: Not a good couch unless it has an unidentified stain and a perfect dent that is shaped to its owner.
2) Lava lamp.
3) Prevalent empties: Generally beer cans or bottles. Large Gatorade’s can be found on Sunday mornings.
4) Artwork involving dogs engaged in some form of human activity (see photo above).
5) Only condiments in the fridge.
6) Unidentified smell.

As mentioned above, there is a very good chance that half of the readers of this post have at one time lived in a bachelor pad. I, alas, have moved on a bit and now have furniture I am not embarrassed to show my girlfriend and I even do my laundry (but I still have a lava lamp and a framed picture of Ah-nuld advertising brandy in a Speedo with a playmate on his arm). However, I remember fondly the days of living in a bachelor pad where it was acceptable to spill on the couch, where personal hygiene was unnecessary, and where cheese was spelled with a “z”. So, bachelor pad denizens of the world unite! It is time to let the world know that you live in a bachelor pad, that it is filthy, and that you are happy. Have any good thoughts on bachelor pads? Send ‘em in!

(Note: The author will be viewing the NCAA’s this weekend at his younger cousin’s house where he can spit on the floor whenever he wants. He spends most every Thursday there trying to pretend he is still in his 20’s.)