Confessions of an Empty-Nester
By: Sabra Davis, Group Admin | March 5, 2007
“The House” (Photo courtesy Plantation Homes)
Once upon a time we lived in the woods -– and in anonymous suburbs. We lived in cold climates and hot, in major metropolises, and tiny places no one’s ever heard of. The one constant was The House. Wherever we found ourselves, we always started with the search for The House. It always had to have lots of bedrooms and bathrooms, a big kitchen and a yard to match. The House asked a lot of us by way of cleaning, maintenance, and dependence on cars, but we always thought our family needed it.
Now our family is grown, and my husband and I decided the next chapter in our lives would be more exciting and invigorating if we said goodbye to The House. And so we did.
We now live in the middle of downtown Seattle in a condo (photo below) that’s less than half the size of our last House. Our 3,200 square feet of Texas sprawl has been squeezed down to a cosmopolitan 1,200. We’ve gotten rid of most of our furniture, clothes, and surplus artwork, and all of our meaningless “stuff.” We’ve chucked the lawnmower and garden tools, and pared our dishes down to enough for only four. And best of all -– most gloriously of all -– we’ve sold our three cars!
Our everyday lives have changed in every way imaginable. We don’t own a car, so we walk everywhere, including to and from work. We use the bus or ferry if we want to go farther afield. This has had a profound effect on how we interact with people. We realize now that the cocoons of our cars kept us well insulated from the people around us. Our genuine interactions were with family and coworkers, the only people who saw us stripped of the metal that clothed and protected us. Our neighbors, we discovered, were virtually strangers.
Now, we stand face-to-face with people in our building’s elevators, at our corner hangouts, and on the sidewalks. We chitchat and pet our neighbors’ dogs. We exchange “good mornings” with the people we pass everyday on our way to work. We’ve developed friendships with several proprietors and servers at our favorite restaurants.
A restaurateur recently called out to us and said, “We’ve missed you.” Our neighborhood grocer loves to talk to us, because he finds our change in lifestyle quite intriguing. “What do you think? Are you still happy with your decision?” Our local video store proprietor has very decided ideas about what we should and shouldn’t rent -– he’ll actually pull DVD’s from under the counter and say, “Here -– I was saving these for you.” Instead of feeling anonymous in the big city, we’ve grown to feel welcomed and wanted, and we’ve become friendlier, too. We’ve discovered that most people, whatever their walk of life, are pretty darn nice.
We eat out about 85% of the time and basically keep only snacks at home. We have not missed the daily grind of cooking and cleaning up at all. People often ask us how we can afford to eat out so much, but after shifting our grocery and auto budgets over to the dining budget, we are still ahead financially. And what fun it has been to take in a football game and a great hamburger at this place, and enjoy a jazz trio and a fine wine at that place.
Spontaneity has become a big part of our lives now. We see movies, baseball games, and go to the theatre, concerts and museums without planning ahead since they are all within easy reach. We often stroll to our local park, where there’s almost always some sort of event or concert going on. An added bonus to all of this activity is that we are healthier and stronger than we’ve been in years.
We’ve definitely made adjustments. I carry a purse with me that I call my Mary Poppins bag because, like that resourceful nanny, I can pull just about anything out of it: an umbrella, gloves, a pair of dress shoes, sunglasses, stamps, and other unexpected items.
I never pay attention to the traffic reports, but I’m very interested in the weather reports, since I’m out in all kinds of it now. I’ve walked in everything from snow, drenching rain, and my personal favorite – wind. Despite the fact that my Mary Poppins bag contains a brush and hairspray, I have resigned myself to perpetually looking like an unmade bed.
What little grocery shopping we do is just that — little. We can only buy what we can carry, so our outings are short and frequent.
The lack of a car has not been a problem, and we sincerely hope we’ll never have to buy another one. We’ve only needed a car twice, and we simply rented one. And trips to the airport are far less stressful when all you have to do is hail a taxi.
One warm, sunny day last autumn, we wandered over to the park where a big band was playing great 40’s music. Several older couples were jitterbugging and waltzing, having the time of their lives. We grabbed some lemonade, sat in the shade, and watched and listened. As the lines of time on the dancers’ faces disappeared and their spines straightened just a little; as their eyes brightened and their laughter mingled with the birdsong above us, we looked at each other and smiled. We knew we were thinking the same thing. We might not have The House anymore, but we were most assuredly home.
- Stumble it!
- Categories: Real Estate, Zillow
Comments
33 Comments so far
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benry on March 6, 2007 6:07 pm
Congratulations. Nice to see someone making the right move for yourselves and for the planet.
R J Keefe on March 6, 2007 6:13 pm
Welcome to Manhattan!
Jack on March 6, 2007 6:50 pm
Wow! That’s what I’ve been trying to capture!
I’ve just moved to Seattle from Melbourne, Australia and I’ve been wanting to be a part of some sort of urban community. One that isn’t trapped inside cars all the time.
I’m in Belltown to at the moment too but I can’t say I’m experiencing the same sort of lifestyle you’re going through. But I think it’s starting to grow on me.
walkable on March 6, 2007 7:28 pm
I love the fact that you mentioned you were looking for “the house” before moving to the condo. My colleague and I felt that the majority of homebuyers look only for the house and school districts - and not focus on the amenities that a walkable neighborhood can provide, such as you described. That’s why we created our referral program (you can see it if you click my name) to try and educate and overcome the “house” barriers.
This was a great article. Since moving to Downtown Sacramento, I’ve had a similar experience. I actually feel like it’s more of a small town than a large city atmosphere. I see the same people all of the time. I own a car, but rarely drive it. I broke my ankle, but can still walk to work, to my hairdresser, to several ethnic restaurants, two parks, my fav bar, several cafés, you name it. And I’m talking about a 3 block walkshed here.
Urban living is the way to go.
rideabout on March 6, 2007 7:48 pm
consider a bike for longer distances- seattle is very bike-able
cc on March 6, 2007 10:49 pm
Just across the border from Seattle, Vancouver is much the same… we’re a young family (early 30s with a toddler) and we live downtown in a fairly new building; it’s not cheap but we figure we save $300/month at least not owning a car. (We can always rent, and they have a great auto sharing co-op here that we’re members of.)
Some people seem to feel that you need “the house” to raise kids in but our backyard is a huge park, and we’re a short bike ride from a beautiful beach… other families in the neighborhood are super-friendly, which is not the experience I’ve had in the burbs, where people seem to be afraid to talk to strangers.
marcel on March 7, 2007 6:51 am
Very very interesting. I was thinking about doing the opposite, now I want the best of both.
Rico on March 7, 2007 11:56 am
Community is where you make it…
Spencer on March 7, 2007 12:47 pm
I’m at a different point in my life — still accumulating “stuff” due to a young baby. But I can jealously see the appeal to your lifestyle.
At least I’m able to take the bus and /or bike to work — not having to drive a car in Seattle is a big plus. In that regard, I think Seattle and NY both have something going for them that other cities sometimes miss.
Sarah on March 7, 2007 6:07 pm
The one car-free delight that I missed in this article was the joy of having things delivered (groceries, furniture, computer purchases…). It feels like a luxury, but it’s totally virtuous. No need to limit yourself to “only what you can carry” all the time.
KC on March 7, 2007 7:16 pm
Nicely put.
And very inspiring.
But I was wondering what you’d do about medical emergencies, where every second counts? Does not owning a vehicle ever worry you in that regard?
Benn on March 8, 2007 2:45 am
FTR, I live in Surry Hills, on the fringe of the CBD in Sydney.
Whilst I’d never ever call cooking a joy, more a love, I do share many of the same motions in life as you. I walk to and from work, often will just walk to the shops to do the groceries, and the only time I’ll use the car is to go and play sport. With all the gear I need plus the locations I play in, a car is the only option.
Plus I have a bar on my corner, and another 5 within a short walk, not to mention all the restaurants within a 10 minute walk.
Get out on foot, explore your city. There’s so much more you will see… actually, I did that in Seattle on the weekend - here’s the evidence! http://royaltech.net/blog/2007/03/08/seattle-in-six-hours/
hanna on March 8, 2007 3:04 am
that is the way i think i want to live. and i am only 18 years old. my friends take this piss saying you can’t survive in this world without a car, but i know now that it can happen and i have hope.
ML on March 8, 2007 10:30 am
In response to the person who asked about a medical emergency I would suggest the following. There are actually only two types of patients in an emergency room. Those who can wait and those who can’t. If you are one who can wait, then you can probably take a cab to the emergency room. If you are one who cannot, then it would be wisest to call an ambulance anyway. Sure my spouse could drive me, but I would much prefer those trained professionals with specialized equipment when things might become dire.
Christopher Fahey on March 8, 2007 2:44 pm
Great insights, and nice to see my own prejudices confirmed!
Given the recent re-immigration of affluent people (read: affluent whites reversing the “white flight” of the 60’s-80’s) back to American cities, I think this is a growing trend. Just as we are regretting the unhealthy processed foods the last two generations ate, we are regretting the unhealthy depersonalized culture many of our sprawls/exurbs have perpetuated.
I think many of the seemingly idyllic communities of the exurbs might end up being dystopic in the near future, with so little social glue holding them together. I wrote about something similar on my own blog recently.
http://www.graphpaper.com/2007/01-12_back-to-the-future-new-poor-new-slums
And I say the same thing to the person who questioned the medical issue: In most cities, I’d bet that even when you include the time you wait for a cab or a car service you are still ultimately closer to a hospital than you are in most exurbs.
Note that I am making a distinction between “suburbs” and “exurbs”. By today’s car-centric living/housing standards, most of what we used to call “suburbs” are now positively urban in comparison to the type of housing that has emerged over the past two decades. I mean, even the suburbs of Leave it to Beaver had sidewalks and stores you could walk to!
Mark Smith on March 9, 2007 3:06 pm
Oddly I’ve had the exact opposite experience. I grew up in the Kansas City suburbs where it was more or less impossible to get anywhere without a car. After college I’ve moved out to San Francisco where I’m living now.
While we didn’t know anyone here when we first moved we haven’t met anyone either. We never speak to or even recognize our neighbors and they’ve never paid us even the slightest attention.
We’d like to walk more places, but our neighborhood is largely residential and trying to get anywhere on the bus means we need to plan well in advance if we want to go somewhere. Not to mention that tickets to events are much harder to come by. My girlfriend works across the bay in Oakland and while transit is a possibility, right now she largely needs to rely on a car to get to work. While I’m still looking for work as a biologist, most of the biotech firms are outside of the city and mean that I’ll need to have a car as well just so I can commute out of the city to work.
As we’re both in our twenties and recent graduates dining out is uncommon since we simply can’t afford it with no amount of shifting being able to cover it.
Neither of us is working-class urban poor. We’re both middle and upper-middle class college educated scientists. The issue is that this sort of lifestyle greatly depends on where in a city you live (or rather, can afford to live), what kind of job you hold, and, perhaps most importantly, your income.
Perhaps this is why many young people in their late 20s and 30s are leaving the cities for the suburbs (not merely because they think it’s a good place to raise kids) while many people who have finished raising their kids are increasingly moving back into the cities.
Yerd on March 10, 2007 12:33 am
dfgdt
Chris on March 11, 2007 7:25 pm
At the moment I’m living in China, and here “the house” is a very very rare thing. The vast majority of people, including the very rich, live in condos. I’m British, and the contrast with British housing is huge. In Britain, apartment buildings are normally owned by the local government, and run-down. Only a few apartment buildings are built for rich people, while most people live in detached or semi-detached houses.
I love it here: the buses are frequent and reliable; supermarkets and small markets are common; there are lots of taxis, and they are so much cheaper than trying to own a car. Rush hour does exist, but rush hour in the middle of most Chinese cities is no worse than the rush hour in my sub-urban area back home.
Chinese cities are built for people who don’t own cars, although that is changing for a few rich neighbourhoods. The new apartment buildings that are going up are excellent - apart from problems with corruption and building material quality.
In the future, living in Chinese cities will be much more sustainable than living in much of the US, or even in Europe.
Laundro on March 11, 2007 8:08 pm
Hear hear. I am a city person, too. Regardless this was inspiring and I applaud you either way.
From A Neighborhood in Baltimore called Butcher’s Hill.
Dave on March 12, 2007 2:24 am
see http://devshots.com
Jay Thompson on March 12, 2007 10:51 am
THANKS for entering this in this weeks Carnival of Real Estate!
You were awarded the “Full House”!
http://www.phoenixrealestateguy.com/carnival-of-real-estate-the-33rd-edition/284
Vietnam holiday on March 15, 2007 6:37 pm
Congratulations. Nice to see someone making the right move for yourselves and for the planet.
metaljaybird on July 13, 2007 6:45 am
This is something I have always wanted to do. The wife and I lived in a walkable town for about 5 years, and are just moving to another small town with a good downtown.
I still hope one day to move to a more urban center.
Chess Openings Guru on January 15, 2008 7:48 pm
That does sound like a positive change in lifestyle. Real relationships, more exercise, sounds great! But the title of your blog, “Confessions of an Empty-Nester” intrigues me. Is that a happy or a sad statement? Some parents are overjoyed to have the house to themselves, and others, like my mom, wish that all their kids would come back home again. How do you feel about the whole thing?
SEO For Real Estate on January 20, 2008 8:39 am
ya……….. It s is great to know about that our neighbourhood flourishing delightly. So this thing realy makes proud and feel like great.
costa rica on February 11, 2008 8:28 am
nice post and awesome comments.
Eco Interactive on February 14, 2008 9:18 pm
Enjoyed!
Wego Real Estate on February 25, 2008 10:50 am
i am enjoyed too while staying here.
Real Estate Appraisal on February 25, 2008 10:53 am
i wanna buy that house which is in pic….. can any body help me!
Sabra on February 25, 2008 11:10 am
Hey, “Real Estate Appraisal” — you can talk to me offline at sabrad@zillow.com.
Baked Potatoes on February 25, 2008 11:12 am
hmmmn good suggestions comes from experience.
Sabra on February 25, 2008 11:12 am
To “Chess Openings Guru”, our daughter is happy, healthy, and doing very well, so we’re exceptionally happy empty-nesters.
Lake Oswego real estate on March 6, 2008 9:54 am
that is the way i think i want to live. and i am only 18 years old. my friends take this piss saying you can’t survive in this world without a car, but i know now that it can happen and i have hope.